Five Reasons Not to Chase Bears

1. They lose all respect for you

2. (a) You are slower than the bear and, therefore, essentially chasing bear scat

(b) You are the same speed as the bear and, therefore, must commence with bear wrestling

(c) You are faster than the bear and, therefore, bored and the bear petulant

3. Such practices often necessitate the changing of scented products, including but not exclusive to: shampoo, perfume, lotion, and cocktails

4. They are carrion eaters

5. They rarely share